As I approached 40ish, I finally faced a question that I had been diligently avoiding in the most creative ways for most of my adult life...
“Is there REALLY A GOD; Do I believe that there is a God?”
I was raised to believe in God; attending church and Sunday school. As a teen, I belonged to a youth group and prayed to receive Christ on October 18, 1971 and was baptized. But wrong choices, wrong friends, and college life had drawn me away from any real relationship with the Lord by the time I was 19. Here I was again, 20 years later, dealing with the most important subject of life. I contemplated in earnest the burning question "Is there a God?", and after much wrestling against modern philosophies, I finally admitted that it was foolish NOT to believe in a creator. All creation points to it, logically speaking (Romans 1). This world and universe in all its complexity simply could not have happened by accident. Denying it is being willingly ignorant. He had worked and was again working in my life. I felt Him drawing me again, gently calling to my heart and using my head to get there. So YES was my answer.
The next profound question I faced was this: "Is the Bible really God's Word?"
Again I wrestled with this, and got back to reading my Bible to investigate for myself. I was on a quest. I found it again speaking not only to my mind but to my heart, as it had so many years earlier. It wasn't just a book; it was a LIVING THING that God was using to reach out to me in a real way; logically, emotionally, and spiritually (Hebrews 4:12). Additionally, I deducted logically that a REAL God would not leave us here on this planet, wandering around blindly searching for the truth. He would provide guidance! It was this living book I was reading! I could sense it in all my being. If He could create the universe, it would be a snap to see that we are provided a trustworthy guidebook. Subsequently, I reasoned that if there would be easy enough for God to give us an inerrant guidebook. One with error would really be useless because, logically speaking, it all would unravel. If there was one error, then there could be more. Then WE would be the ones deciding what was in error and what was not in error, and it would all break down to chaos. So I am very comfortable with the fact that God has provided us a "compass" and that it is for all intents and purposes, inerrant and complete.
THEN came the most disturbing question:
"SINCE I believe that God is Real, AND I believe that the Bible is his true and complete word, WHY AM I IGNORING HIM AND HIS WORD? Am I stupid, foolish, OR do I really not believe?" This was very sobering, and called for a quick and sincere review of the previous questions and my responses to them... but I kept coming up with the same answers.
SO, was I stupid or foolish? YES was my only answer. I continued reading the Bible in earnest, and was stabbed to the heart with conviction over my foolish ways. At that time, I repented (stopped walking my own road, and started walking God's road) and reestablished my relationship with God through Jesus. I was literally the prodigal son (Luke 15:11 - 23). The Bible reminded me that Jesus is the only path to God (John 14:6) and that through faith we are saved by God's grace, and not by any works we can do (Ephesians 2:8, 9) and that we each one have a purpose in this life, created especially for us before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 2:10).
My life changed from a sense of perpetual winter (even though I had a successful career and great family) to a sensation of Spring... I was living in "color" now and not in shades of grey! I was really alive! We CAN have a living and personal relationship with the creator of the universe through Jesus! WOW!
Since that moment I have not looked back. I grew in knowledge of the Lord through study and prayer, and fellowship with other Christians. I had a love for others that was not there before. I had a hunger for spiritual things. I stopped drinking alcohol. I continued growing closer to the Lord for a number of years, slowly dumping the garbage in my life that was weighing me down.
I had some wonderful mentors in my life as well as fellow-Christians to encourage me along the way.
Then one day it hit me. It's not about ME; it's about OTHERS! I am not here to grow more spiritual day after day for some selfish purpose. I am here for OTHERS! I started praying for a ministry that I could serve others with... one that God wanted for me. So it started... . I worked with inner city kids helping them with their homework. Over time, other ministry was added. I started sharing the gospel at jails and prisons, then Bible studies at the jail, working at a food bank where we shared not only groceries but the gospel. It was exhilarating to me. My regular career became less and less appealing, and ministry became more and more appealing. I found myself thinking of creative ways to eek out time from my busy schedule to do these different ministries. The things of this world "became strangely dim", and the brilliant colors of a vibrant life for Jesus was overpowering! It was not an emotional, illogical high: but an intelligently based spiritual reality. Based on faith, yes, but an informed and intelligent faith. A faith with real results and lasting joy. A joy beyond human words.
It came to me at this point that full time ministry might be what God had in mind for me all along, and I was being "raised up" for the part. I was not formally trained in the theological sense; no seminary in my background! But neither had most of the apostles. God can and prefers to use the weak and simple (1 Corinthians 1: 26 - 29). After this was confirmed to me over time, through prayer, my own personal sustained feelings, and other incredible circumstances, I shared it with my wife. She was fully supportive. Our family life had been dramatically affected by God's guidance. It was a miracle in itself, really.
So I wrestled for some time over what this ministry would be. I started praying the prayer that would become a common theme for many years. "Lord, don't give me a lot of choices, I'm too stupid to choose the right thing. Just show me exactly what is your will and shut all other doors of opportunity... I will go or do whatever you wish, wherever you wish it done, whenever you wish it done." This was a liberating and defining moment for me, and is for any human being. Total surrender in a proactive sense. It was not long before God had answered my prayer, and put a burning desire and a supernatural excitement for missions in my heart that could not be ignored. OK, where? I had my own ideas.
We started looking. I found out that we would have to raise our own support. "WOE NOW! We needed a salary to survive! We have three kids! It's impossible to raise enough support for a family of five!" Well, faith stretching is God's specialty. And I was being constantly stretched. To try and make a long story shorter, He made it clear through startling means that we would be going to Ecuador instead of Eastern Europe (where I had in mind). Through many extraordinary circumstances, prayer, and personal conviction over time he showed me his plan for my life. In answer to my constant prayer (the one above) He kept providing one door and only giving me the choice of pressing on or quitting. So I eventually resigned from a 20 year career in 2002; giving up a manager's salary of $60,000 with great benefits, sold our house and most of our possessions, and moved to Ecuador in June of 2003. I have forgotten what a Comfort Zone is, but that's OK! If I have learned one thing in the past years, it is that God is faithful. We took a leap of faith, and God blessed it. God has provided the support we need. God has kept the promises he has in his word for us. I am happier and more blessed than I have ever been in my life.
At first, our parents, family, and many of our friends and coworkers thought we were crazy. "Why don't you just keep doing ministry where you're at, and keep your secure salary?", "Why don't you stay in the States, there are plenty of needy people here"... and so on. The answer is quite simple. It's not my choice or plan; it's God's plan. He created it for me and me for it before the foundation of the world. He is like the coach who places the athletes in the positions he feels they are best suited for. He fills out the roster and positions so that in the end, there is a successfully functioning, complete team! It's HIS plan! Just because I want to be quarterback doesn't mean the coach is going to put me there. He has the plan. I am the player. My job is willingness, zeal, and commitment. In the end, our choice is to either accept the assignment or not. I chose "YES".
And so it goes...
the story of my walk of faith with God. I hope it has not been too boring or long, and that it might help you understand a little better the reason one human being might change the course of his life in favor of eternal things, and how a person can have an supernatural love for others; even strangers and foreigners. My choice was a thoughtful one made over a number of years, not a rash decision. I do what I do out of GRATITUDE for what Jesus did on the cross for me; because of God's mercy... not out of fear or in some misguided attempt to earn my way to heaven. All I can offer of my life won't amount to one nail in the cross or one lash that he took for me. I do it out of Love.
We love because he first loved us (1John 4:19).
A Grateful Receiver of God's Grace,
Rod Bond
------------------------- Referenced Verses ---------------------
John 14:6 - Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Ephesians 2:8,9 - For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no-one can boast.
Ephesians 2:10 - For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Hebrews 4:12 - For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
1Corinthians 1:26 - 29 -- Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no-one may boast before him.
The Parable of the Lost Son
Then He said: "A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.' So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
"But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.'"
"And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
"But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry...'"Luke 15:11 - 23
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In His Service,
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Rod Bond
Missionary to Ecuador